Can't Outdo the Cajuns

Can't Outdo the Cajuns

After having dug to a depth of 10 meters last year, Scottish scientists
found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the
conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more
than 100 years ago.
 
Not to be outdone by the Scots, in the weeks that followed, British
scientists dug to a depth of 20 meters, and shortly after headlines in
the UK newspapers read:  "British archaeologists have found traces of
200 year old copper wire and have concluded that their ancestors already
had An advanced high-tech communications network a hundred  years
earlier than the Scots."
 
One week later, "The Advertiser", a Lafayette , Louisiana newspaper,
reported the following:  "After digging as deep as 30 meters in cane
fields near New Iberia , Gaston Boudreaux, a self taught archeologist,
reported that he found absolutely nothing.  Gaston has, therefore,
concluded that 300 years ago Cajuns were already using wireless.

 

Tags: Cajun

You gotta love old men

 

YOU GOTTA LOVE OLD MEN

I was at the mall the other day eating at the food court.

I noticed an old man watching a teenager sitting next to him. 

The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors:  green, red,

 orange, and blue.

The old man kept staring at him.  The teenager would look and find the

old man staring every time.  When the teenager had enough, he

sarcastically asked, "What's the matter old man, never done anything

wild in your live"?

The old man did not bat an eye in his response, "Got drunk once and

had sex with a peacock.  I was wondering if you were my son."

Tags: seniors

Book Report

Students were assigned to read 2 books, "Titanic" & "My Life" by Bill Clinton.
One smart-ass student turned in the following book report, with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories!

His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report:

 

Titanic... $29.99
Clinton... $29.99

Titanic... Over 3 hours to read
Clinton... Over 3 hours to read

Titanic... The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton... The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.

Titanic... Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton... Bill is a bullshit artist.

Titanic... In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton.. Ditto for Bill.

Titanic... During ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined.
Clinton... Ditto for Monica.

Titanic... Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton... Let's not go there.

Titanic... Rose gets to keep her jewelry.
Clinton... Monica's forced to return her gifts.

Titanic... Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton... Clinton doesn't remember Jack.

Titanic... Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
Clinton... Monica...ooh, let's not go there, either.

Titanic... Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton... Bill goes home to Hilary...basically the same thing.

Tags: politics

Butt Dust?????

What, you ask, is "Butt dust?" Read on and you'll discover the joy in it!
These have to be original and genuine. . No adult is this creative!

JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister.
After a while he asked: "Mom, why have you got two? Is one for hot and
one for cold milk?"

MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was
so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, "If you don't
remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to
six."

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom goodnight. "I love you so much,
that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window."

BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a chewable aspirin. She tried
in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom
explained it was a childproof cap and she'd have to open it for he r.
Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: "How does it know it's
me?"

SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. "Please don't
give me this juice again," she said, "It makes my teeth cough."

D. I. (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: "How much do I
cost?"

MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and
kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his
dad: "Why is he whispering in her mouth?"

CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom asked
what was troubling him, he replied, "I don't know what'll happen with
this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in?"

JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: "The man
named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his
wife looked back and was turned to salt. Concerned, James asked: "What
happened to the flea?"

TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather
wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then
asked, "Why doesn't your skin fit your face?"

The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget.. This particular Sunday
sermon... "Dear Lord," the minister began, with arms extended toward
heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. "Without you, we are
but dust."
He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter
(who was listening!) leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her
shrill little girl voice, "Mom, what is butt dust?"

Tags: kids

These are really funny!

One day, a  man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy 
nightie. "Tie me up," she  purred, "and you can do anything you want." 

So he tied her up and went golfing. 
  
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 A woman came  home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the  door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the  lottery!" 

The husband  said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain  stuff?" 
 
"Doesn't matter," she said.  "Just get the hell  out." 

************************************************** 

Marriage is a  relationship in which one person is always right, and  the other is a  husband. 
 
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A Polish  immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take  an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters:

'C Z W I X N O S T A C  Z.' 
 
"Can you read this?" the  optician asked. 
 
"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the  guy." 
 
************************************************** 
 
Mother  Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I must tell you all something. We have  a case of gonorrhea in the convent." 
 
"Thank God," said an elderly  nun at the back. "I'm so tired of  chardonnay." 
 
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A wife was  making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly,  her husband burst into the  kitchen. 
"Careful," he  said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY!  Turn them! TURN THEM  NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're  going to STICK!   Careful . CAREFUL! I said  be CAREFUL! You NEVER  listen to me when  you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind?  Don't forget to salt them.  You know you always forget to 
salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE  SALT!" 
 
The wife  stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple  of eggs?" 
The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like 
when I'm  driving." 

 ************************************************** 
 
Fifty-one  years ago, Herman James, a North  Carolina mountain man, >was 
drafted by the  Army. 
 
On his first  day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off  all his hair. 
On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army  dentist yanked seven of his teeth. 
On the third day, the Army issued him a  jock strap. The Army  has been 
looking for Herman for 51 years. 
 
 
 ************************************** 

Tags: marriage