80 Year Old Lady

A little old lady, well into her eighties, slowly enters the front door of a sex shop. Obviously very unstable on her feet, she wobbles the few feet across the store to the counter.


    Finally arriving at the counter and grabbing it for support, stuttering she asks the sales clerk: "Dddooo youuuu hhhave dddddiilllldosss?"


    The clerk, politely trying not to burst out laughing, replies:  "Yes we do have dildos. Actually we carry many different models."


    The old woman then asks: "Dddddoooo yyyouuuu ccaarrryy aaa pppinkk onnee,   tttenn inchessss lllong aaandd aabboutt ttwoo inchesss hthiickk...aaand   rrunns by bbaatteries ?


    The clerk responds, "Yes we do."


    "Ddddooo yyoooouuuu kknnnoooww hhhowww tttooo ttturrrnnn ttthe ssunoooffabbitch offfff?"

Telemarketer Prank

 

 

Turn down your sound a little bit if anyone is near you. This is hysterical!!

 

 

Telemarketer Prank

 

http://howtoprankatelemarketer.ytmnd.com/

 

 

 

Smart Woman

A woman was walking down the street when she was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner. 
 
The woman took out her purse, extracted twenty dollars and asked, 
 
"If I give you this money, will you buy some wine with it instead of dinner?" "No. I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless woman replied. 
 
"Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?" the woman asked "No. I don"t waste time shopping," the homeless woman said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive." 
 
"Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?" the woman asked. "Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless woman. "I haven"t had my hair done in 20 years!" 
 
"Well," said the woman, "I"m not going to give you the money. Instead, I"m going to take you out for dinner with my husband and myself tonight. 
 
The homeless Woman was astounded. "Won"t your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting." 
 
The woman replied, "That"s okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments and wine." 

The Cabbie and the Nun

 

A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the
VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.

She asks him why he is staring.

He replies: "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you

She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as
I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and
hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you
could say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."
She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you
have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!"
"OK" the nun says "Pull into the next alley."

The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker
blush. But when they get back o n the road, the cab driver starts crying.
"My dear child," says the nun, "why are you crying?"

"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and
I'm Jewish."
The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a  Halloween
party."